The apprentice

Last week I had the chance to swell the kitty for the big bike ride by working as an apprentice for a couple of days - not for Sir Alan but for my friend, Graham, who needed a builder's mate to help him with a renovation job. I now know my swept Ts from my bends and my compression reducers from my bib tap adaptors; I even got to drill some holes.

However I was a bit disappointed that neither IrnBru nor a pie made any appearance at lunchtime. Glasgow readers should note that had a pie been served, it would not have been as "pie in a roll", the west coast speciality. As this is an Edinburgh builder, it would have been served naked or with a soupcon of tomato coulis.

At the end of the day, I think my efforts were more "DIY SOS" than "Grand Designs", so I think Sir Alan would definitely be saying "you're fired".